Zebra Tears Read online

  I opened my eyes to find my bed surrounded by nuns. They looked like the seven dwarfs discovering Snow White for the first time. I had barely focused on their faces when one of them took it upon herself to be judge and jury and slapped me into unconsciousness again.

  When I awoke again, I kept my eyes closed listening for familiar sounds. I realized I was not in the dormitory anymore but in the infirmary with Anna caring for me. I refused to open my eyes just in case I’d get slapped around again, but something told me that I was going to be alright. Anna had a cold towel on my head while she rubbed her fingers over my forehead. She was talking very gently to me on how I had given everyone such a fright. It felt so good, but I dared not open my eyes yet. It was so much safer in the dark.

  I heard Mother Gina’s voice in the background. I also heard the nurse telling her that she had hurt me very seriously and that she should be more careful when punishing the children. I was also surprised to hear Mother Gina weep with apologies for her uncontrolled temper. She wished I would wake up so she could make amends. I felt a calm come over me, wanting so much to open my eyes. I thought against it. What if it was a trick to get me to wake up just so they can put me out again?

  I waited till the room was quiet again and then very slowly squinted my eyes to look around. The room was empty, except for a lone figure standing at the window. I opened my eyes and called out to Anna.

  “I have been praying to our Lord Jesus to bring you back to me, Tess, and here you are.” She smiled with tears running down her cheeks. She was rocking me in her arms as though I were a little baby. Even though my head still hurt, her arms around me were all the medicine I needed. Anna rushed out of the room and brought the nurse back with her.

  While Anna spoon-fed me some soup, she told me what had happened that week. I was shocked to find that I had been in and out of consciousness for a whole week.

  “Hey, little one,” came a voice around the corner. I looked away from Anna to see Ava standing in the doorway. She had the biggest smile on her face as she approached me and knelt at my side. She looked at Anna, then at me, and popped her hand up from behind her back. I couldn’t help but laugh, even though it hurt. She gave me the Gina doll that had caused the whole mess. How I loved my sister. She had finally let me into her heart.

  “Next time let me fight my own battles, sis. I’m bigger than you,” she said, laughing.

  Anna just laughed and shook her head, saying, “You kids are unbelievable!” Anna finally told her to leave so I could get some rest and finished feeding me my soup.

  I looked into dear Anna’s worn face and thanked her for caring for me so much, even though I didn’t deserve it. I told her how I had missed her these past two years, and I just felt so awful shutting her out. She just smiled and said, “I have been praying for you all this time, and I knew Jesus would bring you back, only I didn’t know when.”

  “Is there really a God, Anna?” I asked. “Why do I doubt Him even though deep down I believe He exists? Why did He let all those horrible things happen to me? Why didn’t He stop me from getting hurt?” I was crying because I felt so confused about God and wanted so much to understand Him.

  Anna explained that God had a plan for each and every person He had created, and only He knew the answer. “We must have sufficient faith to believe that He is listening and talk to Him as though He were right here in person. We may not hear His voice through our ears, but we would feel it in our hearts.”

  I told Anna how I used to feel that way once, but that I stopped believing after that terrible Christmas when I was ten. Anna remembered how upset I had been, and she wondered if I could talk about it now. It was an old memory that brought back the horror and pain of that night. I held Anna’s hand and through my tears told her the burden of my soul. Anna’s hand tightened around mine as she cried with me, finally understanding how alone I was with a hurt no human could mend. She finally spoke such wonderful words of peace that I felt a weight lifted off my heart. “Tess, you are pure and white as the lilies of the field. It was not your sin to bear, but his. Satan is very clever; he knew that you belonged to Jesus, so he turned you against Him by stealing your heart and soul away from Him. Satan didn’t like your precious relationship with God because he was jealous, causing all those awful things to happen, all the while expecting you to break away from God. Even though he is a priest, Father Anthony was wrong to talk about your confession. Remember, Tess, it was not your fault or your sin, and I am sure Jesus has longed to tell you that Himself if you’d only let Him.”

  It took me another two weeks in the infirmary, and I completely missed my final exams. In spite of it, I was promoted to the eighth standard. I learned that one of the rich girls who had witnessed my demise that night was rushed to a hospital with severe chest pains. Not only did she recover, but she was able to get in touch with most of the girls’ families with the help of her parents.

  Once I was released from the infirmary all the nuns treated us with delicate gloves. Mother Doris had mysteriously been transferred to another convent, and I never saw Mother Gina again. It was peaceful without the extreme discipline after that, and life in the convent was starting to look brighter. I guess God did speak to me after all by using me as a vessel to bring about this wonderful change. It was worth all the pain to just to see the happy faces and the sweet nuns that replaced the sadistic ones.

  I chose to believe that God did exist, but I just didn’t understand Him completely. I would often pray, “Dear God, please let it stay peaceful like this with no more pain. But if I start to hurt again I’ll know You know about it and will protect me. Please don’t let me ever leave Your side again.”

  Approximately two months had passed since my injury, and life was wonderful. Even our meals had improved to a substantial amount with a variety of choices. Every Sunday the boarders would dress in their white uniforms, which had a blue-striped sailor’s collar, and be taken for a long walk around the perimeter of the school on the outside! I would try to sneak to the back of the line so I could be close to Anna, who accompanied us, but even at thirteen I was considered a little undersized and had to be up front with the smaller kids.

  On one of these outings as we had just turned into the main entrance gates we heard an awful screeching of tires and a loud bang, followed by horrific screams. The front of the line had already started down the pathway, but I broke free to run to the back. My stomach had not hurt like this in such a long time that the pain once again, I realized, was tearing at the false security I had developed. “Please God, please God, please God,” I kept repeating out loud as I reached the end of the line.

  The nun who walked at the back was lying in a pool of blood, her white habit slowly turning red. The car that sideswiped the line was smashed against the convent wall, while the traumatized girls and a bunch of bystanders surrounded the fallen nun. I could hear the sound of the police sirens approaching as I pushed through the crowds looking for that familiar face I loved so much. “Please, God, let her be alright,” I prayed over and over until I screamed. “Anna!” She was just barely caught between the car and the wall and seemed to be trying to push the car off all by herself. I screamed to the others to help get her out, but the crowds only got louder and bigger as the police approached. I grabbed Anna and told her I would not leave her alone and that help was on its way. Anna just smiled and tried to comfort me instead, reassuring me that she was fine. I looked at the crowds being dispersed, and finally the police reached Anna. It felt like an eternity that she was pinned to the wall, and now they pulled the man out of the car first. I started yelling at the police to help Anna first, but they were more concerned at arresting the drunken man who had caused the accident.

  The police officers looked me in the eyes while I screamed at him to move the car. He jumped behind the wheel and started the car, still looking into my angry eyes as he backed the car away from my precious Anna. He jumped out of the car and ran toward us just in time to catch her from falling forw
ard. The police officer carried my smiling Anna to the waiting ambulance while I held onto her hand. I leaned over to kiss her good-bye when she whispered, “Don’t blame God for this. I don’t.” Her voice trailed off as I was grabbed back by another nun. I wanted Anna to hear my answer, and I yelled back, “I won’t, Anna. I promise.”

  A week after the terrible accident there was a tremendous shake-up in the school. News of the hardships at school was basis enough for every parent to arrive and take their children home. Anna was recovering well in the hospital, and I even got to go visit her a couple of times. She told me she would stay on at the convent in order to care for the other children that God would place in her path. I told her how much I loved her and would carry her in my heart for the rest of my life. She could move in with Jesus, and we would always be together.

  I knew it would be a matter of days before I left St. Mary’s for good to return to Bombay and a new school, but Ava and I were shocked to see Mummy walk into the dormitory. I almost fell over when she came running to me and held me in her arms, saying, “I’m so sorry, baby. I should have believed you.” I hugged her back and told her it was alright now that she was here. Ava got her hugs too. Mummy had heard about the tragedy on the radio and called the school for details. Mother Superior told Mummy to come for us, as the convent would be closing the boarding school for a while. We packed in a hurry while Pasco loaded a real taxi with our trunks. I guess Mummy had already said her good-byes to the nuns, and we were off. I took one last look through the back window as we pulled out of the driveway. “Good-bye, Anna. Thank you, Jesus, for saving her,” I whispered.

  ***

  I had barely gotten home from my visit with the kids when my cell phone rang. It was an excited Becky saying she found the perfect title for the book. She said, “Are you sitting down?”

  “I’m still driving, Becky. Of course I’m sitting down,” I laughed.

  She began telling me how she could not stop thinking about the story, and it finally came to her. “Here it is,” she said. “The title for your book is Zebra Tears.” I sat there in silence when she called out again, “Mom, did you hear me? Zebra Tears!”

  “I heard you, baby. It is perfect!”

  When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me completely.

  —1 Corinthians 13:11–12, NLT

  About the Author

  T. S. Vallée, known as Terri to family and friends, is a mother of two children and a grandmother to five, Nicholas, Victoria, Michael, Matthew, and Nathaniel. She has a jail ministry where she continually writes, encourages, and provides Christian books to inmates. Terri is the Sr. Customer Service agent at Charisma Media, located in Lake Mary, Florida.

  Contact the author by emailing [email protected] or write to:

  T.S. Vallée

  c/o CHP

  600 Rinehart Road

  Lake Mary, FL 32746